My Celebrate Recovery Testimony

First given in Tinley Park, Family Harvest Church, October, 2012 

(Next scheduled for Compass Church, Naperville, March 12, 2013)

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I’m a grateful believer in Jesus Christ who struggles with priorities, maintenance and financial recovery and my name is Ta-Tanisha.

I grew up in an incredibly supportive environment.  My parents didn’t seem to love each other much, but I knew they loved me and my younger brother.   I was born in St. Peter, Minnesota (my grandmother used to tell the tale of how I was the first black baby born there and all the farmers from miles around came to see me, but I was so light colored they couldn’t tell which one was me).  At the age of two we moved to Harvey, IL where we were a tight-knit family.  I was an overscheduled kid, karate, piano, trombone, and more!  My mom liked to keep busy.  The only other aspect of my life besides school and lessons was the dark side, when my parents would argue.  That’s the only time life felt like it was collapsing.  I would go hide in the closet and imagine what my mom should be saying.  Funny how I always criticized her, and felt like I would do so much better in her situation.  Never did I imagine that I would get the chance to prove how wrong my judgmental attitude was.

I was the golden child, and believed every bit of the praise I was always given: how cute I was as a girl, how smart I was, how I was destined to do something great.  Religion was more of just something we did on Sundays, so I didn’t give God the glory for my talents or my good-looking future, I just assumed I was blessed because I was a hard-worker, had hard-working parents, and we deserved it.

My closet interest in my parent’s relationship led to a bit of an obsession with relationships in general.  During step study I found a diary that reminded me how much I would watch romantic comedies.  I was always thinking about boys and what they thought of me.  I asked my first boy out in the 8^th grade.  He stood me up and I was pretty hurt but completely undeterred.  It was so strange too because all of my friends had “boyfriends” but not me.  I couldn’t understand why my dreams weren’t coming true.

Finally, in high school, boys began responding.  I would walk to the bus with different ones and was always trying to start some relationship.  Somehow, I made it all the way to the age of 16 before having sex.  With that, started the next addiction.  As my partners grew older and more experienced I began to start relationships that were purely based on sex because I enjoyed it so much.  I was the type of person that didn’t need the whole dinner and a movie first.  It was a waste of time to me in most cases.

This behavior continued in college when I actually began marking time by how long it had been since I’d had sex.  I remember when it would get to the one week mark, my body would start bugging me like a junkie waiting for the next hit.  This was probably my lowest moment in the sexual addiction.  I was so upset at being so out of control.  I would try to resist and my mind would literally shut down until I found someone to be with.

This addiction caused me to live a double life.  This whole time I was still going to church, even in college.  As I said, religion was just a Sunday thing, so I didn’t really feel too incredibly convicted most of the time.  I tried talking to an on-campus pastor about pre-marital sex and that conversation ended up in his bed, so I guessed the answer was it’s ok.  And the only thing I understood about heaven was I was probably going because I go to church and most people don’t.  We were the good people, so of course, we were in.  I also thought people who claimed to be born again were backwoodsy and unevolved, unlike myself.  I thought of myself as educated and cutting-edge.

Until one day, God used a pastor from Temple Hills, Maryland to shatter my beliefs.  I was a directing intern at the Arena Stage Theatre in Washington, DC when I was about to confront the fact that life without Christ is meaningless. One of my college roommates’ parents was kind enough to let me stay with them.  They also took me to their church.  I’d never seen anything like this, an 18,000 member multi-racial church in Maryland.  And the pastor, Rev. John Cherry, preached sermons like college lectures, I was learning and hungry for what he taught every time I came.  But I wasn’t sure what to make of this born again stuff he was preaching. 

This is where my two lives confronted each other.  I was out on a date, when the guy I was with, who wanted me to move to DC, and I were talking about my future and my prospects.  I had never worried much about the future.  I was “most likely to succeed” and expected that, but that day I realized I had no certain prospects in the entertainment world, and I wasn’t sure how to go about going to the next place of life.  He suggested that DC was huge in “escort services” since there were so many politicians who needed to make good appearances.  He said I was so attractive and such a good date that I could make a lot of money and fund whatever projects I wanted to.  I was pretty sad, no horrified, that that was the best idea we could come up with.

The next day at church, October 1, 1995, the sermon was wrapping up and the regular altar call was approaching.  I remember saying a little prayer in my seat to God, “God, I don’t know if this ‘being saved’ thing is right, but I so need what that man has.  Please forgive me.”  I walked down that aisle and into God’s loving arms.  I have never been the same since that day.  I walked out of that church with the sky being bluer, the grass greener, and miraculously delivered from sexual addiction, much to the disappointment the guy who followed me down that salvation aisle!  But I didn’t care.  I had a new man who would never leave me nor forsake me!

Four months after I was saved, I met my husband.  This too was a miraculous event.  The story of how we met and got married actually wound up in a published book of signs and wonders!

I thought I was on top of the world, with only the universe now to explore.  My excitement to leave all this dating behind and pour all my love into one person turned into a co-dependent nightmare of unfulfilled expectations.  I did not realize how dependent I was on all of that praise I was receiving, because when it was gone, I began to doubt myself and my beliefs about the Bible.  My lack of ability to guard my mind from imaginations almost led me into two adulterous relationships.   What God had delivered me from I almost fell victim to again.  I fell into depression, cancer, more direction-lessness and uncertainty about my career or any of my choices.

But many people around us only saw the outside, just like my birth family growing up, tight knit on the outside, but in our case, falling apart on the inside.  We had it all: the dream wedding, the two beautiful children, and the home we couldn’t afford in the country.  The double life was now in full affect!  But thank God that the failures started catching up with us.  Psalm 119:71 says “It was good for me that I was afflicted, that I might learn your statutes.”

So my husband and I started reaching out for help, attending multiple counseling sessions, classes and finally, in September of 2010, the one year anniversary event for this new ministry at our church, Celebrate Recovery.  CR started helping my marriage immediately, but there’s something my Pastor likes to say which defines what happened to us.  “There are many people at the starting gate in life, but not many finishers.”  I stand here before you today, alone, but unbroken, because of using the power of God’s grace to finish some things in my life.  When I started attending CR, I was very hungry for help.  I wanted everything CR had for me.  I got a sponsor and accountability partners the first week after I heard it mentioned.  I started my inventory the day after the large meeting that taught about it, months before we had a Step Study started.  I learned the heart check, the recovery tools, whatever they had I was doing it!

Some of the steps that have meant the most to me are Step One, “We admitted we were powerless over our addictions and compulsive behaviors, that our lives had become unmanageable.”  This allowed me to come out of my denial and step into faith in a stronger way.  It is said that “You can’t get to where you are going until you know where you are.”  This step was like a “You are here” sign on the map of my life.

I have also been greatly blessed by Step 12.  The issue I knew was a problem for me was not being able to finish instructions from God.  One of these was the Christian mandate of witnessing.  It was always one step forward and two steps back for me in this arena.  But, as the step says, “Having had a spiritual experience as the result of these steps, we try to carry this message to others and to practice these principles in all our affairs.”  The scripture that comes to mind in what I’m experiencing in this arena is Luke 7:47, “Her sins, which are many, are forgiven, for she loved much.  But to whom little is forgiven, the same loves little.”  Now that my eyes are more widely open to what I’ve been forgiven from, it is easier for me to have compassion on others.  CR has also strengthened my ability to tell my testimony both inside and outside of CR.

I’ve also gotten to deal with financial recovery here.  One of my coolest testimonies of the open share groups (which may be my very favorite part of CR) is that one day I was planning to share something else, but I felt the Holy Spirit nudging me to confess out yet another problem: writing bad checks.  I’ve been paying NSF fees ever since I had a checking account in college.  I was so hesitant, this would just be another problem in the laundry list I had already presented, but sure enough James 5:16 came into effect, “Confess your faults to one another and pray for each other, that you may be healed.”  I confessed it out, put it on my prayer card which someone else took with them for the week, and I haven’t had the problem since!!!

Though I was delivered of the sexual addiction immediately, the relationship addiction created quite a co-dependency problem.  Since I had trouble dealing with my own intense emotions, dealing with the emotions of others, trying to think for them and figure them out was exhausting.  I had heard a phrase in a sermon one time to “Stop studying people, and start studying God.”  I thought that was a great concept, but I had no idea how to bring it about.

It turned out that accountability and getting some other relational support was just the ticket for me to begin coming out of denial and realizing how affected I was.  Praise, though positive, is a judgment.  And I was relying too much on the opinions of others and not God’s opinion.  It also helps me to live the Open Share guidelines in my daily life.  For example,

3-5 minutes is not enough time to share all that’s going on with you in a week, so get accountability.

No cross-talk.  No interrupting people with all my “solutions” while they are sharing.

We are here for healing and not gossip.  I have much more discretion and protection over my Christian brothers and sisters.

I feel that my journey in CR has been the process of two fragmented lives becoming one within me.  I am also learning how to handle my emotions and submit them to God.  I often encourage relationship addicts that there is a silver lining for us.  We actually never have to recover, but change the focus of our love and passion to the lover of our soul, Jesus!  And because of this, I am living the difference between happiness and joy.  They say happiness is based on events…the next great thing that is going to happen in your life, but gladness or joy…is based on the reality of Jesus!  And as Ps. 21:6 says “Surely he has granted me unending blessings, and made me glad with the joy of His presence!”

Thank you for listening!

Feeling Six-ish

I more fully realized the joy of being Heaven’s ambassador when I saw how life was woefully bereft of offering anything of value to the born-again believer.

It’s like my Pastor used to say (Do you find yourself quoting your pastor a lot? I think it’s gotta be a sign of maturity :) ), he’d say, “Now that I’ve traveled the globe, been to some of the finest restaurants and met some famous people, I’ve come to the conclusion that life is a 6.” And I don’t remember if the scale was 1 to 10, or perhaps 6 being the number of man and 7 the perfect number of God…but here’s the point--If you’ve been asking yourself, “Is this as good as it gets?” if you’re a Christian, please stop wondering…the answer is yes…life doesn’t get any better than this. And if that answer depresses you, then you’re being presented with the grand opportunity to switch systems, from one that plays for racking up points in this life “where moth and rust destroy” and one that “stores up treasure in heaven.” (Matthew 6:19-20)

For we know that all creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. And even we Christians, although we have the Holy Spirit within us as a foretaste of future glory, also groan to be released from pain and suffering. Romans 8:22-23

But wait…there’s more…James says to “count it all joy when [not if] we fall into diverse trials” (James 1:2); Jesus promised us “persecution” along with the hundred fold return in Mark 10:30, and I’m just getting started!
What is this selective memory that we Christians fall into? There are a lot of verses about the pain of being a Christian and the pain of being in this world in general that either we forget or worse yet, perhaps haven’t read at all. We must remember, the promise box may not give us all the daily information we need to make it as a Christian.
And I can personally vouch for this. From growing up in an economically-depressed area to graduating from one of the finest Universities in the country; having been as poor as a church mouse to making a good penny (hey, $800/week is a lot of money for a 19-year old with no responsibilities!); I’ve been lonely and desperate and madly in love (yeah, Tony it was YOU); and I feel like Ione Skye in “Say Anything” (ok, I also quote movies a lot too) “I’ve been to the mountain top and all I can say is…Go back!”
When life is handing you rose-colored glasses, leading you to the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow and putting on its best behavior like you’re on a first date…life is a 6...and that’s being nice. The high of it all becomes so fleeting, that you realize it’s just not worth pursuing.
Switching systems is a focus issue, for what you focus on, pursue, dream about and speak about, you will eventually bring forth in your life. Here’s the rest of that passage in Romans 8...

We, too, wait with eager hope for the day when God will give us our full rights as his adopted children, including the new bodies he has promised us. We were given this hope when we were saved. (If we already have something, we don’t need to hope for it. But if we look forward to something we don’t yet have, we must wait patiently and confidently.)
(v. 23-25)

And now that the Word has answered your question, Jesus has a question for you, (Thank you to my friend‘s pastor John Hannah) “Do you love me more than these?” (John 21:15-17) More than these disappointments and failings, more than these trials and tribulations, more than the six-ness of life? Then, “[f]eed my sheep,” Jesus says. Move on with the Lord…serve Him with all your heart…there are people that need you today! And the ultimate reward you receive will await you in a more seven-ly place.

Triple Threat

The cry of my heart recently has been Ephesians 4:15 (New King James version) to “grow up into Him in all things.” Even as “babes desire the pure milk of the Word” (1 Peter 2:2) I am entering this 15th year of my salvation, and am desiring “solid food” for those “who by reason of use have their senses exercised to discern both good and evil.” (Hebrews 5:12-14) And one of the things I am learning, is that with a growing understanding of the Lord comes a growing understanding of your enemies and how to fight them. Perhaps one of the most dangerous and in danger believers is one that does not know their enemy or perhaps is ignorant to the understanding that they have an enemy in this life. While some “Christians” deny the existence of the devil, this ignorance also applies to those who don’t understand how the devil desires to attack the plan of God in their life. But we must come to this understanding because the Bible says we are “not ignorant of his [Satan’s] devices.” (2 Corinthians 2:11)
What is his mission? Satan comes only “for the Word’s sake” (Mark 4:17). The plan of God for our lives is ultimately evangelistic, to profligate the Gospel. And in Mark 4 Satan comes to steal the Word that was sown through offense, persecution, and thorns because he knows, no Word in you…no Word coming out of you. All of these specific methods succeed because of one basic reason. even as “it is impossible to please [God]” “without faith” (Hebrews 11:6), it is impossible then to displeasure Him without there being some element of fear. And even as God manifests Himself in the form of the Trinity: (God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit), so God gives us an arsenal of weaponry that is a triple threat to fight our arch enemy---fear. These spiritual weapons are delineated clearly in 1 Tim. 1:7.

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but power, love and a sound mind.

Unfortunately, I feel highly qualified to discuss this subject as over the past year I have faced every type of fear imaginable and some I never imagined—fear for my physical well being and health, fear for my spiritual life, fear for my sanity, fear for my marriage, fear of what I might do and fear that I might never do anything at all. Yeah, I’m psyched about 2009 being over! But what a miracle to see God bring me right through this web of fear and He did it with His power, His love and His sound thinking.
The Greek word for “power” is “dunamis,” where we get our word for “dynamite;” and indeed, it is strong enough to blow your fears out of the water. How dare we fear cancer, when “the same spirit that raised Christ from the dead now dwells in OUR mortal bodies” (my emphasis added to Romans 8:11)? How dare we fear poverty when “He became poor so that we could be made rich” (2 Corinthians 8:9? How dare we fear calamity when “He gives His angels charge over us, lest we dash our foot against a stone” (Psalm 91:11-12)? This is why the castrated gospel of well-if-it-be-the-Lord’s-will and miracles-and-tongues-are-passed-away, is so dangerous. If we can read the Bible, we can know what God’s going to do and if we can pray in tongues we can know all the rest of it too!

“Perfect love casts out fear” (1 John 4:18)
“Perfect love drives out fear” (New International Version)
“Full-grown (complete, perfect) love turns fear out of doors and expels every trace of terror!" [Amplified]
“There is no room in love for fear.” [The Message]

‘Nuff said. But I would like to tip my hat to a FABULOUS book that I recommend to all living creatures called “Captivating” by John and Staci Eldredge (Special thanks to my book guru Lisa Kinsey). These are people that in my mind “get it.” That Christianity for the mature believer is no more rules & regs, no more parent/child, no more fool and deliverer, but it becomes a divine romance. Imagine any of your favorite romantic movies where the heroine has gained faith in their beloved, like Last of the Mohicans or The English Patient. There is no fear in their presence, and when Jesus whispers “I’ll come back for you.” Your heart just melts and it’s like “Devil what?” “Fear who???” “Worry? Not a chance!!!” That’s a picture of perfect love driving away any fear that presents itself.
And a sound mind…This has manifest in my life by asking God always to help me agree with Him. “Help me see it your way God,” is my prayer when I’m frustrated or confused. Isaiah 55:8 says “His thoughts are not our thoughts, His ways are not are ways,” and yet He reveals His thoughts and ways to us in His Word and through our spending time with Him. His ways are not unknowable, except apart from Him. Why was Jesus sleeping through the storm? (See story in Matthew 8:23-27.) What does He know that we don’t know? What are His eyes seeing while ours are fixed on the rain that’s beating us down? He’ll tell you…gladly! “The secret of the Lord is with those who fear Him” (Psalm 25:14) “And He [the Spirit] will show you things to come” (John 16:13) Who do you share secrets with? Who do you share your future plans and dreams with? You were made in God’s image, and so you can understand why God reveals things to those who are close to Him. If you are not enjoying that kind of fellowship with the Holy Spirit admit this to yourself and to God. Prayer is just talking to God like you would any other King who loves you so dearly and wants to see you succeed. And please feel free to contact me at dreamsonfirepl@yahoo.com if you need to partner with someone to pray for you as well. “One puts 1000 [enemies] to flight and two 10,000!” (Leviticus 26:8) (I love God’s math!)
“…and a 3-fold cord is not quickly broken” (Ecclesiastes 4:12) Put this triple-bonded cord of power, love and a sound mind around fear’s neck and watch your new year be an “affair [with the Holy Spirit] to remember!”

Join The Team

“For we are all the body of Christ, and members in particular” (I Corinthians 12:27 NKJ).

God always spoke to people in their common understandings. The “body” of Christ is wonderful imagery because not only did it speak to the people to whom Paul was writing; but it still speaks to us today. Perhaps even more so, as medical science has made countless discoveries about the human body and indeed how everything within it is connected to make up a whole person. Today the farming imagery that was commonly used in the Bible is now foreign to many of us and requires more depth of research to understand the inner workings of seedtime and harvest and what the Scriptures meant when they spoke of those things.

Similarly, people in Bible days might not have understood the concept of teams, clubs and group organizations quite the way we do today. Today’s society is easily grouped off into people with various interests or skills. This imagery is also very powerful when applied to Christianity. In the world of athletics, we would say that Christianity is a “team sport.” In it we are not only judged by our individual performance and giftings but we are equally rewarded for lending our strengths to other team members’ weaknesses.

What are some elements of a team that are different from a body? One difference is that of our understanding of free will. An ear doesn’t have any choice but to be an ear. Yet today we have many that think they’re in the “Body of Christ” and yet they haven’t joined a team. Some are out of position, some try to make up their own position and some think they’re called to be in the bleachers!

Eat, Ride, Watch
Benchwarmers drag the whole team down, according to Bill Belichik. The Head Coach of the New England Patriots is unique in being the only coach to win 3 Super Bowls in 4 years, and lead his team to a perfect 16-0 record in the regular season. He holds records for consistency of wins and has won many awards for maintaining a standard of excellence in coaching football. He has not followed the practice of many professional sports teams in allowing there to be any “stars” on the team. He has said “Everybody gets game time—no ERWs on the team.”

ERWs—a term that can apply to many Christians—those who “Eat, Ride, and Watch.” They eat the team food, they ride the team bus to the events and they watch the players play. Belichik says on his team everyone is a player, everyone is a leader, and everyone is valuable though different. He epitomizes the old adage “there is no I in TEAM.”

He has embodied this philosophy so strongly that he has passed it along to his team. Many of his players had been waiting over 10 years of their career to play in a Super Bowl. As boys they dreamt of hearing their names announced in front of tens of thousands of fans. But the Patriots broke that tradition and clung to their practice of being brought onto the field as a team. Belichick says of that first Super Bowl “…they didn’t want that for themselves because they wanted to go out as a team because of their commitment to each other. That’s so powerful.”

I Corinthians 12:12-13 in the Message Bible also speaks of this kind of team spirit,

“You can easily enough see how this kind of thing works by looking no further than your own body. Your body has many parts—limbs, organs, cells—but no matter how many parts you can name, you're still one body. It's exactly the same with Christ. By means of his one Spirit, we all said good-bye to our partial and piecemeal lives. We each used to independently call our own shots, but then we entered into a large and integrated life in which he has the final say in everything. (This is what we proclaimed in word and action when we were baptized.) Each of us is now a part of his resurrection body, refreshed and sustained at one fountain—his Spirit—where we all come to drink. The old labels we once used to identify ourselves—labels like Jew or Greek, slave or free—are no longer useful. We need something larger, more comprehensive.”

In fact, we even need something larger than a church affiliation to be sure we are fulfilling this mandate from the Lord. Some people excuse themselves from serving because they’re in between church memberships, and others think just because their name is on a church roster that they are automatically in the “Body of Christ.” But 1 Cor. 12:27 says we are ALL the body of Christ which means we all need to fulfill our roles. Just calling you a wide receiver doesn’t make you a functioning one. There must be a completion of the roles we are called to play.

Self-substitution
People can also try to force themselves into a position, either because they think it holds more esteem, or they’re trying to please another, or perhaps they just haven’t even bothered to ask the Lord, our Coach, where you should be on the field. But once you know you need to be an active member, you want to know if you’re offense or defense, lead or bringing up the rear. You’ll only be at maximum effectiveness when you fulfill the role He’s asked you to play

Of this, verses 18-22 say “But now God has set the members, each one of them, in the body just as He pleased. And if they were all one member, where would the body be? But now indeed there are many members, yet one body. And the eye cannot say to the hand, ‘I have no need of you;’ nor again the head to the feet, ‘I have no need of you.’ 22 No, much rather, those members of the body which seem to be weaker are necessary. (NKJ)

It’s a powerful place to be when you stop judging your position (and others), denying your position or being afraid of your position. Everything in you is put there to be an asset to your role. Embrace your part of the team, learn about your position, get coaching and excel in your position!

Team Suffering, Team Victory

I Cor. 12: 24-26 says “But God composed the body, having given greater honor to that part which lacks it, that there should be no schism in the body, but that the members should have the same care for one another. And if one member suffers, all the members suffer with it; or if one member is honored, all the members rejoice with it.”

The team is truly suffering by those who choose not to play, and those who choose not to play are also suffering. If Jesus’ last request of us, His disciples, was to go into the world and make disciples of all nations, lay hands on the sick, cast out demons and triumph over the works of the enemy, then what’s the point of our lives if we’re not fulfilling our role to make sure that happens. Be one who learns the beauty of being “in the zone” with your team, where no one is show-boating, but everyone is committed and equipped to win!

Now for the Real surgery

"If your eye offends you pluck it out…"

Wait it gets better…

"If your hand causes you to sin…cut it off." (Matthew 18:8-9)

There’s one for the promise box.

So I ask myself, since unfortunately, this has become a relevant scripture in my own life…How long do you think it would take to do that? I mean plucking an eye out sounds like it would take some effort and work, outside of sounding disgusting. And oh, how your flesh would revile…so badly that it might even take you awhile to decide you were going to cut that hand off…even if it had gangrene…even if you could see it spreading to the rest of your body! You’d probably do it, but it might take a minute to get up the nerve…to save you…from you.

So I sit here contemplating. Is there an offering God does not multiply? You may think that’s a waste of time, Jesus said, "there is no one who has left house or parents or brothers or wife or children, for the sake of the kingdom of God, who shall not receive many times more in this present time, and in the age to come eternal life." (Luke 18:29-30) Notice there was no sin in that list, or in any list that talks about God multiplying our offerings (Luke 6:38, 2 Corinthians 8 or 9). This is the sacrifice that no one wants to talk about…the blood Jesus sweat from His brow that’s swept under the proverbial rug.

It’s what we give up on the way of dying to self, it’s what we do to make sure we’re not "entangled again to a yoke of bondage and the sin which so easily besets us." (Galatians 5:1) We lie to people, sinners smarter than us, who say, "Look, I’m not ready to give up my sin!" And they’re not, and we say that doesn’t matter and IT does! That sinner’s not going to trick God the way we tricked them into praying some prayer. You do have to be sick of it, you do have to have faith or at least hope, that God is stronger than your sin…Or it won’t work. And that stuff you give up, God does not multiply back to you…You’re letting go for the very intent that it’s NOT coming back. You’re deliberately turning away the devil’s presents for God’s, because when you take their presents you’ll welcome their presence.

So Jacob got the blessing. He welcomed the Presence of God saying, "I’m not going to let you go until you bless me!" (Genesis 32:26) But he walked with a limp for THE REST OF HIS LIFE, which was long, by the way. So, what is this "hip" the angel of the Lord "touched"? Well, it’s what gets touched in all of our lives…our pride. A hip out of socket definitely put a damper on that pimp-daddy swagger Jacob had going on. Hip also comes from a word which means "to bend," (http://www.dictionary.com) and sometimes we call ourselves being "flexible" when really we have loose morals, which is why God had to "tighten Jacob up." The name "Jacob" comes from a word meaning "deceiver" and in order to help Jacob stop "bending the truth" God changed his name to "Israel," which means "He that striveth with God" and, "to fight or to contend."

Another interesting item that came up on the Online Etymology dictionary (www.etymonline.org) was "hip" as an interjection. We know the term "hip, hip hooray" but it was at one time used as a "cry to attack Jews." Before blessing him, God attacked that which used to attack Jacob. Maybe instead of a "heel," Jacob had an Achilles’ hip. Jacob learned how to fight evil instead of using evil to win his fights (as he did with his brother Esau—Genesis 27) by learning how to wrestle with God.

One thing I know for sure, whatever the price of righteousness (being right with the Lord), there is no comparison with the cost of disobedience (thank you Pastor Robb Thompson) and the presents of the devil are no match for the Presence of God. So, I choose Life and I smile, until my eyes fall once again, upon the inevitable knife.

Reflections from TN-408

It’s extra nice when your nurses smell good and you smell soooo bad!

Surgery is a chiropractor’s best friend.

When you’re alone someone’s always there…pray for the right presence.

I now know why they believe it’s preferable to send you home with a blood bag. (A hospital bed is no place for a relatively healthy person.)

I have determined…the joy of the Lord is my strength. (Nehemiah 8:10)

Some trust in chariots, some in horses…but I will remember the name of the Lord my God. (Psalm 20:7)

(In prayer for an old friend) The seed will not return void, even if it skips a generation!

Dancing is mostly not for a stage, unless that stage is the top of the devil’s head.

The teacher has sent me to the chalkboard of my mind to write 100 times “I will not go to surgery with hair on my arms again. I will not go to surgery with hair on my arms again!”

Smartest move: Playing worship music I don’t know so I can’t strain my voice.

Smoothest move: When the nurse walked in, after we turned the beautiful worship musical off, and said, “Wow, this room is so peaceful.”

God did NOT break the mold when He made me. I have now been told, for like the 87th time in my life, that I look JUST LIKE this girl someone knows. I literally put people into shock. It’s incredible.

Battle scars are fitting for warriors.

I'm still not certain that I understand the difference between discomfort and pain...just fix it!

(For the beginning of this story, go to www.theoneyearaudiobible.blogspot.com)