But what’s up with the acting? As I said, this new career made it make sense as to why the old career never took off more. So my heart is leaving the profession. It’s more of a hardship to face my gigs. I no longer want to be a character. I want to be myself! Was I hiding in that career? Was it a part of my very deep battle with insecurity?
Then the answer came during my runner’s high. I remember watching TV, movies, plays—watching acting happen––and thinking, “I want to move people like that.” I want to be a part of that unique learning that can happen when we suspend our disbelief as an audience, create the fourth wall, and make-believe.
The only problem, and it’s a biggie, is that I sucked! By the time I realized that this was what I wanted to be good at, I was in high school––and insecurity was ravaging. I did have a lifeline, though: public speaking. Along with my drill-sergeant coach, Mrs. Hingst, I became quite good, consistently one of the top performers in speech team. But the acting world in high school I could not break in to. We were a highly competitive school district with incredible actors like LaKeith Hoskins, Daveda Russell, and Jacques Smith (still acting today). However, I was inspired, and I kept hanging around the theater. So, they made me assistant director and that’s where my “acting lessons” began, as I studied these gifted artists at every rehearsal, every performance.
I got better. I took an acting class in college, became a director (seemed a natural progression) and dared to cast myself in my senior thesis production. And this message I carried to my acting students in the last six years: “You don’t have to be ‘born with it.’ You can get it by sheer desire and study.” It was a message of hope, particularly to those who actually started with some skills. And in this business, 80 percent of my clients who wanted an acting career ended up working professionally.
So, how is it over? How is it I’m not even interested? It’s just incredible to me that I was able to draw into my story a journey, just because of interest. I thank God for giving me access to those talents that I’m not sure I was ever meant to possess. And it’s a cool message, to think you can be whoever you want to be. But may I humbly suggest that you never give up on who you were meant to be. God knew what He was doing when He made you.
In my life I now move people emotionally and, in their lives, to a greater possession of their authentic selves. This is what I always wanted to do. I just hadn’t found it yet. But when this student was ready, the classroom was built around me.
